John 11: 40-42

⁴⁰ Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

⁴¹ So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. ⁴² I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

I keep asking that You can grant me the gift to heal my impatient. More than just that, You know my other wish. Until today I've only done it thinking at the same time that was not possible. You remind me that what is asked with faith and from the goodness You feed us in our hearts it is not just considered, but it has already been GRANTED.

For Vanessa, Daniela, Amanda and Chiu. You know us better than anyone, You know our strength and our weakness. Give us according to what You believe is best for us. Bless them and bless those who are not yet in our lives. For our Love and Peace, amen.

In Peace with my Love

Your ways are mysterious. We can't understand them if we refuse to see, if we walk away from You.
Here I am, recovered in a such a short time, for now I've granted you the freedom to do Your will in my life. And with big Love you have taken care of me and pampered me into Your loving arms.

At ease with myself, my thoughts and my feelings, now I can SEE, not the whole thing but plenty. I'm yours to work Your wonders. I thought my dear atheist was for me....it was always for YOU. As he denies You, he still wants to listen to me. Glorious plan You had!!

My bad dear Love, to confuse things. Thank you though for putting light in this matter. After a short chat with him, and feeling in Your peace as I said some words, I can only now be certain that he is for You and if I'm part of that plan....here I AM! If he will listen to me, if he will share with me...then make it possible. You'll find a way to reach him if I open this channel for You. I'm your little one, my life is here to serve You.

Bless his days, bless his problems, bless his loneliness, bless his ideas, his wounds, his fears, bless him while he was in his mother's womb. Bless him when he was alone and confused as the first time his parents split. Bless him when he had to change and accept a step dad. Bless him when he felt that another split was coming and went through it. Bless him when once more he was presented a new step dad. Bless him when he enjoyed the coming of his sister. Bless him when he found what he thought was love, bless his introversion, his wall, bless his years in school, his realization that he liked to do that stuff he does with computers. Bless his problems at work, bless his cheerful times with people, bless the moment we met, bless the moment we had to say good bye, bless the moment he had to go through my mistake. Bless the pain he bares in silence inside those walls. BLESS HIM my LOVE, for he needs You but won't let You in that easy.

Here I am, do as You have to reach him. For I too want his soul and life to be saved. And that world prince, can't and won't win this time. I've heard Your voice and YES is my answer.

Your VICTORY!

I was a little one in the palm of Your hand. You took care of me, You had this patience and Love for me before I came to breath. You smiled at me and felt happy with the plan You thought in Your eternity. One my idea was ready You gave me the most precious gift of all.... you gave me LIFE.

Countless are the times I fell and cried and got lost in darkness. The number of times You rescued me from them is even greater. My misery, my break down, my weakness is Your Victory and in time You take me from my hand and let me standing up and shining, happy again to have the BEST GROOM, BROTHER, FRIEND, LOVER, FATHER and more in life walking next to me.

I am blessed and can't really scream how deeply grateful I am of Your mercy and LOVE. I'm filled with a deep peace. At moments I feel some tears coming down my cheek, but they are no longer bitter or useless. You took carefully all the ones I have shed these past days and accepted them as my only offer to You in that lonely garden, in that cold punishment, in that bleeding crown. You took my humble offer, a heart of flesh that You gave me some years ago. But this heart is wounded, bruised, hurt and is not beating the way it used to. That too was my offer in atonement for the pain and emptiness others feel in their life. What a privilege to have a Doctor that can give me a new heart!! One full of LOVE and power to shine again, to carry your LOVE to others, one with no fears or scars, ready to jump into this new adventure.

Smile in my face, glad I go again, awaken holding tight Your hand. I can't really see you still, but BLESSED night!! blessed problems and blessed confusion, for now I'm back again close to my Groom. Close to You my Love. Blessed praying of parents, friends and your beloved Missioners of Charity. My life is filled again with joy and hope.

In You I can DO IT. In You I found the courage to ask forgiveness to You and to the one I hurted. In You I found the courage to recognize my fault, to feel it deep and to really feel sorry for what I've done. In You, I can be conscious about my defects and my mistakes...but only in You I can FACE them and fight to change them.

Oh JOY, oh PEACE!! You have allowed me to have a quiet day now, a renewed start and a clear vision in this darkness of what I was doing wrong, on what illusions should be kept away and in what direction I should offer my hand. Not dumb, but humble. Not proud, but meek.

Your victory is my FREEDOM, Your victory is this chain cut and You setting me free to Love You again and through You, love those who will run in my path. BUT CAREFUL!! My new heart has to be careful...and patient. For not all who will cross my path are meant to be ready for this LOVE You spread through me. Not all will understand this craziness of Your joy and peace. And certainly not all will accept this FREE LOVE.

GRACIAS!! mi alma no tiene freno en agradecerte tanta bendicion y tanta dulzura!! GRACIAS por protegerme, por enseñarme a tiempo cual NO era mi camino. Gloria y alabanza por siempre a Ti mi Dios!

Walking in the darkness

I lost myself some days ago. I lost track of my emotions, my frustrations and my failures. They took control of me, and when least expected they got ahead of me and I lost myself. I lost my passport, my identity. You already were trying to warn me in dreams, but busy, speedy as I am these days I lost track of that message.

My patience was lost, and with it I hurted a person that didn't deserve it. By the time I realized it, it was far too late to go back in time. I felt sad when I realized I hurt one of the persons who gave me his hand to walk closer to me. Stupid or glorious mistakes?. I broke down in pieces, full of shame and tears wouldn't stop running for I knew my fault was big.

In silence, You came closer and whispered ... forgiveness. You were fast to forgive me and when I recognized all this to You, it was already done. However, I felt immersed in a dark night, still lost without a clue on where to go. I claimed to your saint of darkness. If she was able to keep walking in that dark alley because above all, she never lost faith in You, why couldn't I reach my hands to the air and try to find Yours as well.

I did it, I begged for your mercy and your guide in this dark night. I may not see light, but I feel You are holding me. Strong and steady. I had finally stood up, ready to meet my hurt one and ask his forgiveness. Thou I wanted to be strong and not let any tear roll down, I broke some times. I never realized how much it hurted me to have hurt him. I tried to do the best I could, to let You room also and hold me there. At moments I felt like fainting. Kept calling Your name.

The end was inconclusive. I've lost myself to impatience, and to a map. I've lost more than just my peace and probably I've hurted a person whom I wanted more than just for a short time in my life. But in doing all this, I also fond his fears, and they are bigger than mine, and now I'm not so sure he is the strong hand that would hold my hand in good and bad times. Apparently this world looks only for the good in us and to the slight shadow of darkness they run as far as they can.

Our life goes by covered with walls, and fancy windows, and fancy mirrors. We protect ourselves from being looked deep inside. We hide fears, past scars, traumas and more in these fortresses. I myself caught myself hiding some old fears created by bad love experiences. But I want them out, healed. I don't want these walls around me, I don't want to have fear again my Lord.

In Your hands is my heart. You changed my old stone heart for a flesh and love one. This one took lots of scars and wounds left by others in my useless attempts to love and find a partner. Take this wounded and heart with fears also away, give me a new flesh and love heart, attached to Yours, bounded by your eternal Love to You, Your path and Your mercy.

A heart that can be filled by your never ending Love. A heart that is ready to jump off the cliff and not worry about a safety net. You'll make of me a great ............... and I shall learn how to follow the way to the happiness that You created for me ever since you thought of me.

I gave my best this last time Lord. I'm not perfect, but at least I had Your hand to learn how to vow and recognize my faults and ask forgiveness. I know that I least I tried, and now I will try again with You. My eternal, perfect and never ending Love.

Gracias por tanta piedad, por tanta bendicion aun en la adversidad. Gracias por esta obscuridad que si bien no me deja verte...me deja sentirte y necesitarte. Gracias por mis defectos, porque me hacen caer y levantar mis manos a Ti e implorar tu misericordia. Gracias porque no soy perfecta, y porque aun asi me amas. Gracias por ese Amor.

Dulces despertares

Entre tus mimos y la imagen y voz de aquel que pusiste en mi camino sin esperarlo yo, los despertares estos días han sido mágicos mi Dios. Hay días que quiero simplemente dormir y olvidarme que hay tanto aún por hacer.

Entonces Tú te acercas a susurrarme que quieres estar un momento en silencio conmigo, quieres escucharme, quieres acompañarme antes que todo el día venga con su bullicio y ajetreo. Me apoyo en ti, te tomo la mano y clamo fuerzas para el día que empieza. Agradezco entre lagrimas la felicidad y las bendiciones que me regalas.

Entre mis bendiciones te pido por el, por mi querido ateo, aquel que me sorprendio con la claridad de sus palabras, con su franqueza y su cariño. Ese hombre lindo que me hace estremecer aun cuando duermo y se mezcla en mis sueños, sonriendo, hablandome.

Nunca fue tan extraño para mi extrañar a alguien, porque es una mezcla de dolor y gozo. Hay días que me duele más y en otros me hacen recordar lo que siento y lo que el desperto en mi. No se como decir gracias, las palabras se quedan cortas, simplemente sonrio estupefacta. La promesa esta aun viva, queremos vernos, queremos compartir otro tiempo juntos. Escuchame y acepta mis palabras, dandome Tu Paz y Paciencia para saber esperar Tus tiempos y Tu voluntad.

:∗ gracias Amor!

My dear atheist

Ever since I was a child I grew up listening about you, I heard your Name and about your Mercy. For me it was a given. Despite my revel side, laziness and comfortable way to accept You, that all changed in a long process that took almost 14 years and it is still going on.

A few years back, I started meeting people who had no contact with You. Either by ignorance or by own decision. My dear atheists. These showed me Your great action on others, despite their attitude towards You, and how that phrase about You working in mysterious ways was actually real, at least to my eyes and comprehension.

I often wonder, how is this possible, how they are capable of such wonderful values and kindness?. Their hearts are warm and generous, and willing to embrace others too. I started to accept them, to embrace their kindness and smile with joy to their attitude that sometimes it is more noble than so many "religious" persons.

Now, I'm very close to one of them. And as much as he declares to not need You, or that you might be a powerful idea for some faithful people, I still see so much of You shinning in him. And because I recognize his honesty and the purity of his feelings, I now wonder... how can I participate on his salvation?. No, You know I don't want to save him, that is only in Your hands. But I wonder, hope and wish, that my prayers are a big contribution for now.

Why did You crossed my path with his, it will remain uncertain. For now I can only bless him in Your name, be grateful with You and this encounter and ask you kindly if we could meet again. This Love you grant me, has found a welcome embrace in him. The rest, is in Your hands. I'll put my best, work my thesis, look to achieve my last objective here and I will ask more than anything PATIENT, so I can wait and accept how things will develop. My heart and my wishes are far too old for You, be kind and save me from day dreaming.

En nombre de tu hijo amado Jesus, Amen.

I need silence

What is real? how can I hear you?. I've let myself be dragged into a world of nonsense and noise the last couple of weeks.

I had too much going on around me and trying to catch all at once I lost balance and sense of reality. Lent is close to start, and I cannot think of a better way to re-connect to You other than shutting all that actually distracts me from You. I need a time to think, to listen, to heal. I need your mercy.

I was trying to cope with some last minute facts in my life the best that I could. The emptiness someone special left, the tedious work of my thesis, the overwhelming load of what will happen next. I failed. I can't deal with all at once alone.

Here I am now, surrendering myself to your feet, asking peace and patience. I can't fight this battle alone or distant from You. This is why I chose to silence some things that feed more my anguish and fears.

I offer you this silence, so that You can open my ears and eyes to your Light and Peace. Heal my heart and soul, be merciful and forgive me. Feed me with your Love so I can forgive myself first and then the others.

Some times I get so stubborn and wish everybody could react the way I act. I don't want to hurt those who care about me and those who I care most. Let them know in their hearts that I'm in Your hands, safe and healing.

Because if I want to love the others the way You want me to, first I need to go back to You, delight myself in Your love and learn to love myself the way I am, with my best and my worst, recognizing my weakness and my need of You. When I'm recovered from this fall, I will be able to go out again and enjoy the joy of giving my life for others and not keeping it to me.

With your Mercy and Peace, I will heal. Grant me this moment of peace so I can be closer to You. Asi sea dulce Padre.