3rd call?

1st one I was around 4 and it became a reality when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had to draw it, and guess what I draw?

A nun.

2nd after I finished school. The obstacle? My dad said NO WAY! you ought end a professional career and then you can do what you want.

After living away from home, I came back with a professional title, worked for a couple of years and I tried vocational discernment with a Jesuit priest. I ignored to much that time about what it meant to be Catholic, and had no clue about a lot of things. So when this priest told me I was not suitable for religious life I took it for granted.

After spending some more years out of Bolivia, I ended discovering finally my Church and Faith in the last country I thought I could find God. It was a nice afternoon, I was about to finish the first book of Jesus of Nazareth by J. Ratzinger. It was part of my 3 month job at one of the places I consider a bit of paradise on earth. Mount Rainier was quiet, and when I was reading the last paragraphs, a soft wind crossed me and then I knew. My ontological questions were answered in a brief and complete way that left my heart forever changed.

Granted, after that it has been no sweet ride all the times, but even with the dark days I found later, I can really feel very blessed and have no complains. Almost 2 years ago I started preparing myself to become a consecrated lay MC. That's where I discovered I had a long time craving to be more time in front of my Savior and Creator.  Holy hours are now a vital part, and even when I just have one day of the week for this, I've realized what a treasure is to make room for more than just one day in His presence.

End of December 2014, we had a retreat for LMC in Bolivia (we are 6 now). Sr. Martin made sure to prepare some talks with some priests and she closed the talks with a beautiful one about how aside from Prayer/Charity, LOVE will give coherence to all that we do. She also made sure we had a lot of time in front of Him. And that's when it hit me one more time: COME!

I wrote to the previous superior who was living in another city and realized that I struggle with obedience. I asked her if it was also difficult for her and how that major detail could become an obstacle if I didn't trust enough in God's Grace. When I reached home I told my mom about this desire reigniting once more in me and how I struggled because I kept thinking that I had to be available to take care of my parents in few years ahead.

She said this should not be an obstacle. While tears were running down my cheeks, my dad came and asked what was all about. My mom explained and to my surprise, he sat down and said that I should explore this call, that them becoming older and needing care should not be the issue to hold me away from God. I felt more tears as this answer was like a big clear sign.

But where to begin? how will I find the place where He wants me to be? Somethings are clear already. I want to look into contemplative, traditional and sort of trappist, benedictine life. Yes, at least that is clear now.

So this is why, this year I have to depart in some more months from work and start a pilgrimage to seek silence. I need to hear better for this time it won't be my will.This time I know that His will has to be done.

+AMDG

Being God's Beloved

"All I want to say to you is 'You are the Beloved', and all I hope is that you can hear these words as spoken to you with all the tenderness and force that love can hold. My only desire is to make these words reverberate in every corner of your being - 'You are the Beloved - Henri Nouwen

In 2012 I was still looking for a job and ended up interviewing for Bethlehem Farm. Since there was lots of snow, there was not much to do after 6pm. Despite I had my Ratizenger's book, I was tempted and attracted to read a book I found there: LIFE OF THE BELOVED by Henry Nouwen (1992). Up to that moment I've never heard about the author and had no clue what to expect. By the end of the book I was moved and kept the thought of being part of the BELOVED in my head.

A week ago I celebrated 19 years of having received the Confirmation Sacrament, and at least 2 months ago the thought of being God's beloved jumped into my head once more. This time I gave more time to it and even took it to Adoration. I only wish I can treasure this knowledge/certainty very close to my heart with Jesus. 

Experience the LOVE

Last weeks have been hectic, but at the same time full of new encounters and in more than one occasion I found myself praising the fact that WE are God's Beloved! By helping a friend with her papers I ended up meeting her cousin who turned out to be a member of the Opus Dei. We had such an intoxicating spiritual conversation that I ended up going home at 2:30am. 

Recently I met Lupe, who recently started her path to become a LMC. What a wonderful time we shared, as if we were friends for centuries. These two ladies and other persons I've been meeting during my Catechism class, study groups and more have showed me the BLESSING that is to be in this family that God loves so much. For there are differences among us, even in the way we think or the level of knowledge we have. But it is more certain that we have something that links us above all that. And that is what I recognize now and simply smile and think out loud inside myself: IT IS GREAT TO BE PART OF THE BELOVED ONES.

Last year, giving up ALL (yes even the persons I love) and learning to trust/let myself be loved by God Father was a major step in my life. A step that seems has lead me into the patio or perhaps the first room of my interior castle, where God is my Lord and Savior. What is going on this year, it seems to be so connected to the reflections I had last  year....that I want to jump or fall down in Adoration, as these are the GIFTS that my soul was craving. 

Deeply thankful Father for SOOO MUCH you give, teach and LOVE us, your beloved ones!