chastity formula

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

3rd call?

1st one I was around 4 and it became a reality when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had to draw it, and guess what I draw?

A nun.

2nd after I finished school. The obstacle? My dad said NO WAY! you ought end a professional career and then you can do what you want.

After living away from home, I came back with a professional title, worked for a couple of years and I tried vocational discernment with a Jesuit priest. I ignored to much that time about what it meant to be Catholic, and had no clue about a lot of things. So when this priest told me I was not suitable for religious life I took it for granted.

After spending some more years out of Bolivia, I ended discovering finally my Church and Faith in the last country I thought I could find God. It was a nice afternoon, I was about to finish the first book of Jesus of Nazareth by J. Ratzinger. It was part of my 3 month job at one of the places I consider a bit of paradise on earth. Mount Rainier was quiet, and when I was reading the last paragraphs, a soft wind crossed me and then I knew. My ontological questions were answered in a brief and complete way that left my heart forever changed.

Granted, after that it has been no sweet ride all the times, but even with the dark days I found later, I can really feel very blessed and have no complains. Almost 2 years ago I started preparing myself to become a consecrated lay MC. That's where I discovered I had a long time craving to be more time in front of my Savior and Creator.  Holy hours are now a vital part, and even when I just have one day of the week for this, I've realized what a treasure is to make room for more than just one day in His presence.

End of December 2014, we had a retreat for LMC in Bolivia (we are 6 now). Sr. Martin made sure to prepare some talks with some priests and she closed the talks with a beautiful one about how aside from Prayer/Charity, LOVE will give coherence to all that we do. She also made sure we had a lot of time in front of Him. And that's when it hit me one more time: COME!

I wrote to the previous superior who was living in another city and realized that I struggle with obedience. I asked her if it was also difficult for her and how that major detail could become an obstacle if I didn't trust enough in God's Grace. When I reached home I told my mom about this desire reigniting once more in me and how I struggled because I kept thinking that I had to be available to take care of my parents in few years ahead.

She said this should not be an obstacle. While tears were running down my cheeks, my dad came and asked what was all about. My mom explained and to my surprise, he sat down and said that I should explore this call, that them becoming older and needing care should not be the issue to hold me away from God. I felt more tears as this answer was like a big clear sign.

But where to begin? how will I find the place where He wants me to be? Somethings are clear already. I want to look into contemplative, traditional and sort of trappist, benedictine life. Yes, at least that is clear now.

So this is why, this year I have to depart in some more months from work and start a pilgrimage to seek silence. I need to hear better for this time it won't be my will.This time I know that His will has to be done.