chastity formula

Friday, October 19, 2018

2 days that felt like a week - Learning to love through Crucified Jesus

I've made up my mind, and would really like to leave this entry in this blog.

Recently, I've had the chance to share two days with my Lieber Freund who spoils me with coffee, despite he is not a coffee drinker for health issues. I knew about his short visit about a month ago, and I was surprised as this is the 6th year in a row, that we are able to meet at least once in the year.

Who would have imagined that after we said goodbye last year, I was really going to meet with him again?  I felt a sense of Sehnsucht and had to hold my heart, to remind myself that now it has a Magnificent Owner.

It was over a year ago when I felt the Sacred Heart of Jesus had healed mine. I learned how to love this person through the Crucified Jesus, and give up any idea, hope of any other type of love. I talked about it with a friend, and she couldn't grasp what I was talking about. But last year when I was grinding the last grains of the other bag of coffee he gifted me, I realized finally what it all meant. All the longing, all the despair that I felt at a moment, the confusion, the frustration...all that was gone, and a sense of fullness had taken over me. I'm thankful to God, for I had no clue how to love this person through His Holy Son. My disordered heart's love was transformed into agape for this man, through the LOVE Himself.

My surprise turned into a smile and the acceptance that I had to face this trial at ease. It came with certain temptations, as one day, before my prayer time, I had a dream of him that I terminated when it got "weird". I woke up immediately and even it was a bit dark still, I started praying my Rosary. I broke down in tears in the middle of it, for a wave of emotions rushed into me. My lovely Stella Maris came to comfort me in that wonderful garden of roses She has for us. When I was done with the Rosary, the peace had returned.

So the D day came and we finally met again. First work came, but when that was over, he seemed eager to meet me. I knew he was tired after his red-eye flight, yet he was enthusiastic and a complete gentleman. Like 2 old friends, he held my arm and we crossed the street. Our dinner felt like we had not seen each other over the last month, so familiar and with confidence. The second night was the same and it went steps further, as it was too easy going, to the point we could tell small jokes on each other.

I do appreciate his trust to share not only things I know he doesn't disclose to just anybody but also expressions and behavior that is not seen while he is being all professional and well behaved.

As his birthday is approaching, I gave him his gift with a card, that had the Holy Heart of Jesus on the other side. A vintage image, that I know he appreciates.

Actually, it was less than 2 days. But my heart at ease and the rich moment we shared, have created a different memory in my mind. I no longer have that heavyweight over me when I'm next to him. It's such a relief to just be able to cherish him as God has wished and not to put other thoughts in my head.

Yes, less than 2 days, but why does it feel like a week? I guess it's the quality time we had, the confidence and all the smiles and laughter we shared. Will there be a 7th year? Only God knows. What I understood, is that I have to keep praying for him.

I have to close this one, being thankful to God for His promise is real. His teaching about this different way to love a person, that I never imagined, is real. I can treasure this agape with my Lieber Freund.

Since all happened in the time after Mr. Sunshine ended, I wanted to leave a part of the song See You Again by Baek Ji Young (๋ฐฑ์ง€์˜) that perfectly describes what happened in this week of 2 days ๐Ÿ™‚

๊ทธ๋Œˆ ๋‘˜๋Ÿฌ์‹ผ
์‹œ๊ฐ„ ๊ฟˆ ๋ชจ๋‘ ๋‹ค ํ•œ ์กฐ๊ฐ
๊ณต๊ธฐ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๊ฐ„์งํ–ˆ์ฃ ...
... 
๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„  ํ•จ๊ป˜ ์›ƒ๊ณ  ์žˆ์ฃ 
I’ll be there
See you again