3rd call?

1st one I was around 4 and it became a reality when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had to draw it, and guess what I draw?

A nun.

2nd after I finished school. The obstacle? My dad said NO WAY! you ought end a professional career and then you can do what you want.

After living away from home, I came back with a professional title, worked for a couple of years and I tried vocational discernment with a Jesuit priest. I ignored to much that time about what it meant to be Catholic, and had no clue about a lot of things. So when this priest told me I was not suitable for religious life I took it for granted.

After spending some more years out of Bolivia, I ended discovering finally my Church and Faith in the last country I thought I could find God. It was a nice afternoon, I was about to finish the first book of Jesus of Nazareth by J. Ratzinger. It was part of my 3 month job at one of the places I consider a bit of paradise on earth. Mount Rainier was quiet, and when I was reading the last paragraphs, a soft wind crossed me and then I knew. My ontological questions were answered in a brief and complete way that left my heart forever changed.

Granted, after that it has been no sweet ride all the times, but even with the dark days I found later, I can really feel very blessed and have no complains. Almost 2 years ago I started preparing myself to become a consecrated lay MC. That's where I discovered I had a long time craving to be more time in front of my Savior and Creator.  Holy hours are now a vital part, and even when I just have one day of the week for this, I've realized what a treasure is to make room for more than just one day in His presence.

End of December 2014, we had a retreat for LMC in Bolivia (we are 6 now). Sr. Martin made sure to prepare some talks with some priests and she closed the talks with a beautiful one about how aside from Prayer/Charity, LOVE will give coherence to all that we do. She also made sure we had a lot of time in front of Him. And that's when it hit me one more time: COME!

I wrote to the previous superior who was living in another city and realized that I struggle with obedience. I asked her if it was also difficult for her and how that major detail could become an obstacle if I didn't trust enough in God's Grace. When I reached home I told my mom about this desire reigniting once more in me and how I struggled because I kept thinking that I had to be available to take care of my parents in few years ahead.

She said this should not be an obstacle. While tears were running down my cheeks, my dad came and asked what was all about. My mom explained and to my surprise, he sat down and said that I should explore this call, that them becoming older and needing care should not be the issue to hold me away from God. I felt more tears as this answer was like a big clear sign.

But where to begin? how will I find the place where He wants me to be? Somethings are clear already. I want to look into contemplative, traditional and sort of trappist, benedictine life. Yes, at least that is clear now.

So this is why, this year I have to depart in some more months from work and start a pilgrimage to seek silence. I need to hear better for this time it won't be my will.This time I know that His will has to be done.

+AMDG

To TASTE God! - Sabiduría de Dios!

In about a month I would be able to step up and start my postulation to become a lay Missionary of Charity. Six months ago I took the first step. In this time I've experienced Joy and also some challenges. 

When you start speaking more about God, Justice and Truth your "friends" will start turning the back to you. In this time I've seen how at least 4 to 5 of what I used to think were good friends left my life. Recently my so called best friend also departed when I told her that our vacation together won't happen as I have some commitments and emergencies with some people of my community and with my parents. If I had chose to be a lone person and schedule my time and money only according to me, the story would be different. 

I could have drowned with these friends walking away. But when you abandon yourself to the perfect Love, there are always rays of light. John 15, 8 "If the world hates you, you must realize that it hated me before it hated you."; this was the verse that has uplifted me all these months. Not only that but gave me strength to keep happy and look life with patience and feel blessed with what is given to me, and also with what is taken away from me.

Even it is not the easiest process, learning this lesson has opened the door for me to focus on my thirst of learning more about this God that loves me and demands more every day. While on a short retreat, there was something that stroke me hard. I've finally understand what is to "taste" God. In Spanish wisdom is translated as sabiduría. This words comes from latin sapientia:

sapientia ae, f sapiens, good taste, good sense, discernment, discretion, prudence, intelligence, forethought

The good taste of knowing God, the never ending mystery! Recently I met again with a man that is very bright when he talks about biotechnology. His intelligence is attractive! Of course there is no point in building more illusions when he is a distant person. But while he was talking, I was thinking: If the intelligence of a man can attract me so much, how much more God's intelligence will keep me attracted an eternity? 

Super WOW!

That is when I realized that the price I'm paying for this Love... is ok! it is almost a bargain. And since He is soooo merciful, He has granted me the gift of new persons in my life, that accept that I'm a crazy one, crazy for Him!

One year after…

By the end of this month (April) it will be a whole year ever since I started walking completely and fully the path of Chastity. The last trigger was my Theology Of the Body Speaker training workshop. After that my way back to Bolivia was appointed. I had little clue what was I going to do back in country, but I had full confidence in what God was doing. After all it took all my courage and all my pride to surrender to Him and accept His will. 

In TOB words: “Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.” (CC 2339)

Last Saturday (April 13), the path to become a consecrated Lay Missionary of Charity was open, and now I’m officially an aspirant to discover if this call is mine. Unlike other people, I’ve found a great delight and strength in weekly adoration and in trying to pray the Rosary daily. Prayer is such a wonderful dialogue you can have with God. The Rosary is such a wonderful weapon against wicked and evil.

Temptation is not absent. But I have the feeling that the moment I depart myself from a life of prayer, it won’t be so “easy” to avoid it. I often wonder if for many is easier to just give in and try to justify a sinful life than to hang on to Christ’s hand and fight next to Him. 

Eph 6:11 Be clothed in the armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the treachery of the devil.

Eph 6: 16-18 In all things, take up the shield of faith, with which you may be able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the most wicked one. And take up the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit (which is the Word of God).Through every kind of prayer and supplication, pray at all times in spirit, and so be vigilant with every kind of earnest supplication, for all the saints.