Thursday, April 21, 2011
As I talked to him and found that his wounds are deeper than just a lack of interest into make sacrifices now and here, I felt a deep pain inside me. You really feel and want all of us to be saved...even this little ones who deny You day by day!!
The only thing I know I can do is extend my hand and offer my friendship, hoping that my ears can listen what ever he has to say and express and that my arms can comfort him whenever he needs it (even in the distance). I may not be full of virtues...but I'm loved by You first and I want to open my life to You and your work. As light, as salt, as oil...use my existence for others, to cheer them, to make them company, to listen their trouble, to dry their tears...to be their friend. By accepting my nothingness, perhaps, they will get to see Your wonderful everything!!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I've been learning for the past 10 years the opposite...to care about the others, no matter how little or big they are, how well to do or poor they are. To love like I am loved. But some days it gets to be a hard mission to accomplish. Some days I stop in this road of life and contemplate how sad is all around just because we can't be happy with what we have, grateful and even more, share it.
Altruism and self-sacrifice seem to be values of a mad person, a lunatic. How then, can we relate with one another? Everything, from music, fashion, tv, news, movies, books...everything seems to vomit the idea that you have to be objective, rational... to the point where you kill your compassion??
I've had enough, and though I may not close my doors to these empty bodies (they claim to be happier with out a soul), I will put more effort in making connections with people who is alive. ALIVE!!
Teach me this skill...to love and forgive the empty ones, the way You do!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Tu en cambio, te quedas en silencio haciendo tu juicio... MISERICORDIA. "Vete y no peques más". Confías en nuestro arrepentimiento, lo aceptas y nos perdonas Juan 8, 1-11. Es Tu perdón y tu dulzura la que me sostiene ahora. Me duele a veces, y me uno a ti dulce Cristo en tu pasión. Me duele que me juzguen y acusen con tanta velocidad. Me duele esa mentira vestida de verdad. Esa arrogancia humana, vestida de conocimiento, de madurez, de intelecto..falsos.
Cuanto sufriste Tu por nuestra estupidez. Déjame acompañarte en ese dolor, uno el mio al tuyo y en ese reconocerte a pesar de tu rostro golpeado y sangrante, pido por ellos que no pueden perdonar y buscan sin esfuerzos lo perfecto. Ayudame a sanar y olvidar, a quedarme sin resentimientos, sin heridas ni cicatrices. Tu que todo lo puedes hacer nuevo, saname. Bendita misericordia, no dejes de enseñarme a perdonar desde el fondo de mi corazón. Enseñame y ayudame a seguir Tu camino. Amen
Sunday, April 10, 2011
41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
I keep asking that You can grant me the gift to heal my impatient. More than just that, You know my other wish. Until today I've only done it thinking at the same time that was not possible. You remind me that what is asked with faith and from the goodness You feed us in our hearts it is not just considered, but it has already been GRANTED.For Vanessa, Daniela, Amanda and Chiu. You know us better than anyone, You know our strength and our weakness. Give us according to what You believe is best for us. Bless them and bless those who are not yet in our lives. For our Love and Peace, amen.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Here I am, recovered in a such a short time, for now I've granted you the freedom to do Your will in my life. And with big Love you have taken care of me and pampered me into Your loving arms.
At ease with myself, my thoughts and my feelings, now I can SEE, not the whole thing but plenty. I'm yours to work Your wonders. I thought my dear atheist was for me....it was always for YOU. As he denies You, he still wants to listen to me. Glorious plan You had!!
My bad dear Love, to confuse things. Thank you though for putting light in this matter. After a short chat with him, and feeling in Your peace as I said some words, I can only now be certain that he is for You and if I'm part of that plan....here I AM! If he will listen to me, if he will share with me...then make it possible. You'll find a way to reach him if I open this channel for You. I'm your little one, my life is here to serve You.
Bless his days, bless his problems, bless his loneliness, bless his ideas, his wounds, his fears, bless him while he was in his mother's womb. Bless him when he was alone and confused as the first time his parents split. Bless him when he had to change and accept a step dad. Bless him when he felt that another split was coming and went through it. Bless him when once more he was presented a new step dad. Bless him when he enjoyed the coming of his sister. Bless him when he found what he thought was love, bless his introversion, his wall, bless his years in school, his realization that he liked to do that stuff he does with computers. Bless his problems at work, bless his cheerful times with people, bless the moment we met, bless the moment we had to say good bye, bless the moment he had to go through my mistake. Bless the pain he bares in silence inside those walls. BLESS HIM my LOVE, for he needs You but won't let You in that easy.
Here I am, do as You have to reach him. For I too want his soul and life to be saved. And that world prince, can't and won't win this time. I've heard Your voice and YES is my answer.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Countless are the times I fell and cried and got lost in darkness. The number of times You rescued me from them is even greater. My misery, my break down, my weakness is Your Victory and in time You take me from my hand and let me standing up and shining, happy again to have the BEST GROOM, BROTHER, FRIEND, LOVER, FATHER and more in life walking next to me.
I am blessed and can't really scream how deeply grateful I am of Your mercy and LOVE. I'm filled with a deep peace. At moments I feel some tears coming down my cheek, but they are no longer bitter or useless. You took carefully all the ones I have shed these past days and accepted them as my only offer to You in that lonely garden, in that cold punishment, in that bleeding crown. You took my humble offer, a heart of flesh that You gave me some years ago. But this heart is wounded, bruised, hurt and is not beating the way it used to. That too was my offer in atonement for the pain and emptiness others feel in their life. What a privilege to have a Doctor that can give me a new heart!! One full of LOVE and power to shine again, to carry your LOVE to others, one with no fears or scars, ready to jump into this new adventure.
Smile in my face, glad I go again, awaken holding tight Your hand. I can't really see you still, but BLESSED night!! blessed problems and blessed confusion, for now I'm back again close to my Groom. Close to You my Love. Blessed praying of parents, friends and your beloved Missioners of Charity. My life is filled again with joy and hope.
In You I can DO IT. In You I found the courage to ask forgiveness to You and to the one I hurted. In You I found the courage to recognize my fault, to feel it deep and to really feel sorry for what I've done. In You, I can be conscious about my defects and my mistakes...but only in You I can FACE them and fight to change them.
Oh JOY, oh PEACE!! You have allowed me to have a quiet day now, a renewed start and a clear vision in this darkness of what I was doing wrong, on what illusions should be kept away and in what direction I should offer my hand. Not dumb, but humble. Not proud, but meek.
Your victory is my FREEDOM, Your victory is this chain cut and You setting me free to Love You again and through You, love those who will run in my path. BUT CAREFUL!! My new heart has to be careful...and patient. For not all who will cross my path are meant to be ready for this LOVE You spread through me. Not all will understand this craziness of Your joy and peace. And certainly not all will accept this FREE LOVE.
GRACIAS!! mi alma no tiene freno en agradecerte tanta bendicion y tanta dulzura!! GRACIAS por protegerme, por enseñarme a tiempo cual NO era mi camino. Gloria y alabanza por siempre a Ti mi Dios!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
My patience was lost, and with it I hurted a person that didn't deserve it. By the time I realized it, it was far too late to go back in time. I felt sad when I realized I hurt one of the persons who gave me his hand to walk closer to me. Stupid or glorious mistakes?. I broke down in pieces, full of shame and tears wouldn't stop running for I knew my fault was big.
In silence, You came closer and whispered ... forgiveness. You were fast to forgive me and when I recognized all this to You, it was already done. However, I felt immersed in a dark night, still lost without a clue on where to go. I claimed to your saint of darkness. If she was able to keep walking in that dark alley because above all, she never lost faith in You, why couldn't I reach my hands to the air and try to find Yours as well.
I did it, I begged for your mercy and your guide in this dark night. I may not see light, but I feel You are holding me. Strong and steady. I had finally stood up, ready to meet my hurt one and ask his forgiveness. Thou I wanted to be strong and not let any tear roll down, I broke some times. I never realized how much it hurted me to have hurt him. I tried to do the best I could, to let You room also and hold me there. At moments I felt like fainting. Kept calling Your name.
The end was inconclusive. I've lost myself to impatience, and to a map. I've lost more than just my peace and probably I've hurted a person whom I wanted more than just for a short time in my life. But in doing all this, I also fond his fears, and they are bigger than mine, and now I'm not so sure he is the strong hand that would hold my hand in good and bad times. Apparently this world looks only for the good in us and to the slight shadow of darkness they run as far as they can.
Our life goes by covered with walls, and fancy windows, and fancy mirrors. We protect ourselves from being looked deep inside. We hide fears, past scars, traumas and more in these fortresses. I myself caught myself hiding some old fears created by bad love experiences. But I want them out, healed. I don't want these walls around me, I don't want to have fear again my Lord.
In Your hands is my heart. You changed my old stone heart for a flesh and love one. This one took lots of scars and wounds left by others in my useless attempts to love and find a partner. Take this wounded and heart with fears also away, give me a new flesh and love heart, attached to Yours, bounded by your eternal Love to You, Your path and Your mercy.
A heart that can be filled by your never ending Love. A heart that is ready to jump off the cliff and not worry about a safety net. You'll make of me a great ............... and I shall learn how to follow the way to the happiness that You created for me ever since you thought of me.
I gave my best this last time Lord. I'm not perfect, but at least I had Your hand to learn how to vow and recognize my faults and ask forgiveness. I know that I least I tried, and now I will try again with You. My eternal, perfect and never ending Love.
Gracias por tanta piedad, por tanta bendicion aun en la adversidad. Gracias por esta obscuridad que si bien no me deja verte...me deja sentirte y necesitarte. Gracias por mis defectos, porque me hacen caer y levantar mis manos a Ti e implorar tu misericordia. Gracias porque no soy perfecta, y porque aun asi me amas. Gracias por ese Amor.