2 days that felt like a week - Learning to love through Crucified Jesus

I've made up my mind, and would really like to leave this entry in this blog.

Recently, I've had the chance to share two days with my Lieber Freund who spoils me with coffee, despite he is not a coffee drinker for health issues. I knew about his short visit about a month ago, and I was surprised as this is the 6th year in a row, that we are able to meet at least once in the year.

Who would have imagined that after we said goodbye last year, I was really going to meet with him again?  I felt a sense of Sehnsucht and had to hold my heart, to remind myself that now it has a Magnificent Owner.

It was over a year ago when I felt the Sacred Heart of Jesus had healed mine. I learned how to love this person through the Crucified Jesus, and give up any idea, hope of any other type of love. I talked about it with a friend, and she couldn't grasp what I was talking about. But last year when I was grinding the last grains of the other bag of coffee he gifted me, I realized finally what it all meant. All the longing, all the despair that I felt at a moment, the confusion, the frustration...all that was gone, and a sense of fullness had taken over me. I'm thankful to God, for I had no clue how to love this person through His Holy Son. My disordered heart's love was transformed into agape for this man, through the LOVE Himself.

My surprise turned into a smile and the acceptance that I had to face this trial at ease. It came with certain temptations, as one day, before my prayer time, I had a dream of him that I terminated when it got "weird". I woke up immediately and even it was a bit dark still, I started praying my Rosary. I broke down in tears in the middle of it, for a wave of emotions rushed into me. My lovely Stella Maris came to comfort me in that wonderful garden of roses She has for us. When I was done with the Rosary, the peace had returned.

So the D day came and we finally met again. First work came, but when that was over, he seemed eager to meet me. I knew he was tired after his red-eye flight, yet he was enthusiastic and a complete gentleman. Like 2 old friends, he held my arm and we crossed the street. Our dinner felt like we had not seen each other over the last month, so familiar and with confidence. The second night was the same and it went steps further, as it was too easy going, to the point we could tell small jokes on each other.

I do appreciate his trust to share not only things I know he doesn't disclose to just anybody but also expressions and behavior that is not seen while he is being all professional and well behaved.

As his birthday is approaching, I gave him his gift with a card, that had the Holy Heart of Jesus on the other side. A vintage image, that I know he appreciates.

Actually, it was less than 2 days. But my heart at ease and the rich moment we shared, have created a different memory in my mind. I no longer have that heavyweight over me when I'm next to him. It's such a relief to just be able to cherish him as God has wished and not to put other thoughts in my head.

Yes, less than 2 days, but why does it feel like a week? I guess it's the quality time we had, the confidence and all the smiles and laughter we shared. Will there be a 7th year? Only God knows. What I understood, is that I have to keep praying for him.

I have to close this one, being thankful to God for His promise is real. His teaching about this different way to love a person, that I never imagined, is real. I can treasure this agape with my Lieber Freund.

Since all happened in the time after Mr. Sunshine ended, I wanted to leave a part of the song See You Again by Baek Ji Young (백지영) that perfectly describes what happened in this week of 2 days 🙂

그댈 둘러싼

시간 꿈 모두 다 한 조각

공기처럼 간직했죠...

... 

그곳에선 함께 웃고 있죠

I’ll be there

See you again

Garbage Art to mock Holy Mother - How "innovative"

Every year in Oruro - Bolivia, thousands gather for what is been proclaimed "Human patrimony" by UNESCO, a carnival fest.

I was 8 years old the only time I went to what most call "the biggest folklore" demonstration. Truth is, this is the biggest bacchanal there is in this country. They dance different typical dances (most are an inheritance of Spanish dances, mixed with local expressions) and make sure they get drunk until they lose their dignity. This year, for instance, there were 2 explosions that leftover at least 10 death persons, but dancers, musicians, and other sponsors wouldn't stop.

What's their excuse to become so beastly? They claim they do this out of devotion to Holy Mother. This worldly and wrong devotion has never been turned into correct devotion: PENITENCE and ROSARY.

No, they rather give into pleasure and abomination. One year, I read that more beer is consumed during these 4 to 10 days, to the point that the Oktoberfest in Germany could look like a small kitten. The beer company, of course, is one of the happiest with this so-called devotion. I've been criticized a lot some years ago when I left a picture with dancers that pass in front of the image of Virgin Mary in this town with a legend that said: True devotion to Holy Mother starts kneeling and with a daily prayer of the Rosary, not with carnal pleasure. I had the most trivial justifications for this weird devotion of dancing and drinking for the sake of Holy Mother.

Humans tend to blame their sinful life to a 3rd person or even an object. Recently, a failed "artist" made her come back using an old joke that The Immaculate has to receive. Rilda Paco, used the image where dancers salute and portrayed her as a prostitute, all these as an art (?) expression, to complain about the absurdity of carnival in her town.

She wouldn't dare to ridicule UNESCO, the beer company, the union of dancers and musicians or even the governor of these place, who never asked for mourning and stop the orgy. No, she had to be less original and ATTACK Catholic Faith, after all, I'm sure she has learned in her dreams that Mother Mary once asked for such degeneration, right?

These women that mock Holy Mother seem to envy the Queen of Heaven, making her their target to express their pathetic lives. Of course, she will have to face justice, charges have been presented both by faithful Catholics and fake ones. Fake ones feel offended in their bacchanal expression which they call "patrimony".

Social media has shown supporters to these garbage artist, claiming "free speech" or even that this God forsaken country is a lay one. As good relativism slaves, they seem to forget the rules of their beloved humanistic world. Free speech and your liberty end where mine begins. They seem pretty comfortable to have their mothers, wives, daughters or girlfriends portrayed as prostitutes, after all, it's "art". Probably that's why in Sweden it's OK to rape a woman, it is part of the "cultural" expression of many immigrants.

Modern art has turned into a mere expression of garbage, with 0 creativity or aesthetics. Forget about provoking our minds into what is beautiful and reflect the skills of an artist. The comic presented by Rilda Paco is a one more to the pile of this decadent art, reflecting her lack of work and skill and showing what a hypocrite she is, as she blames her frustration with the one who is used as an excuse, not with the real culprit.

For those who claim we live in a LAY country, that would explain why we have fallen into a decadent socialist state, where we have an ignorant as president, tied with narcotraffic and much more, trying to glue himself and his mob to the presidential chair until he becomes one dictator more.

We truly have it well deserved as a country, for we have forgotten who is the real RULER of this life, they say this country is Catholic, but over 95% of those who are seen as Catholic had no clue what this implies or means. Novus Ordo is the rule here, and it is not even an acceptable practice, for its masses are full of syncretism, heretical songs, and more decadence.

In Fatima, Our Holy Mother warned us, well now we have to face all the disgrace that has fallen on us, for the lack of faith, penitence, and prayer. Heretical sects have spread like fungus here, others have soccer as their god, and women are falling into that new cult known as feminists. No surprise that every week we read about women being raped, kids being abused and much more depravity.

This is a country where they dance to an image of Holy Mother, but at the same time, they commit adultery or next day they pay tribute to the "uncle" of the mine (satan). So what do you expect?

The painter is a miserable person, who would need to convert to save her soul, as right now she is throwing herself into the pit of fire. I rebuke her "art" and hope God can pull her ear before she dies. Same goes for all the other "devoted" people who give tribute to Moloch, not Virgin Mary.

Judica me, Deus, et discerne causam meam de gente non sancta: ab homine iniquo et doloso erue me.

My last grains of coffee

Last year in August, I was about to fall into a sort of complicated situation in my heart and in my head. I had been attracted to a wonderful man ever since I met him, but just last year I was able to talk more about our private life and not just work. 

I guess he finds me easy going because when I (joking) complained that we only shared job-related talks, he caught me by surprise and in less than 10 minutes I knew more than I probably wanted to know. 

That moment was sort of bitter-sweet. He had no problem opening his life to me but at the same time, he revealed something very important and too big for me not to consider it. 

Maybe 8 years ago, I would have not cared about it. But the reality is that now I push myself daily to live according to God's Will and not mine. With this framework, breaking the 6th, 9th and 10th commandment was simply inadmissible. A short time after this breaking revelation we met again, this time in my country.

I requested some coffee as I've tried some OK brands from where he lives. He went on a mini adventure to get me the bag of coffee beans. When we met, and after a fraternal hug, he gifted me a big bag of coffee beans. THANK YOU.

We spent some days together in some work-related activities, but all that gave me a chance to get to know him even more, and to my surprise, he was eager to also know more about me. Before the last day, I went back to my hotel room and felt a strange feeling, something I never experienced before.

Yes, I was struggling those days as I didn't want to let my irrational being just fly high. So my prayer time was also doubled or even tripled. So much begging God, it gave its fruits. That afternoon, as I was kneeling to start my Rosary, as I saw the Crucifix that always comes with me, I had this hurricane of happiness and sadness. 

I looked at my Lord on the Cross and I knew He was offering me a solution to my dilemma: "You can love him THROUGH ME". 

This has never occurred to me. It had to be My Lord´s solution. What a strange way to love someone, without hurting him or my self, and committing myself to pray, daily if needed, for him.

As we shared a beer during the last night of our event, he shared something else that made me realize how wounded he was from his past life. This was one more reason to pray and love him through Christ. 

After he left, I still had some doubts... Was I going to overcome these funky feelings?. We met again this year, and spent also lots of time talking, sharing not only work but other issues we have had in our life. All together it was once more a wonderful time spent together.

During this last meeting, I was able to go to Mass in Latin DAILY. Nothing can compare to that blessing. So there was I, every day, asking for him at Mass, and later sharing good memories.

Last weekend I was grinding some coffee beans. I have just 2 more servings left from the pack he gifted me. As I was turning the handle around the grinder I thought that it was already I year ever since this "dilemma" started. 

Where I am now? I'm FREE, I still pray for him, but I know that my heart is no longer hurting, my mind is not anxious and I think of him as the excuse I needed to learn to love in a different way, a way that it is not understood by this world. A way that only God can teach us.

Blessed be the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

And #DeoGratias for gifting me Mary most precious as a guiding mother. It is through the Rosary that I'm learning to give up on things and also on persons, so I can empty myself and have room for the LOVE that quenches all thirst. 

+LMD+

Not all the times sweet and cheerful!

Not so long ago, one friend who was baptized as a Catholic asked me some questions and I said that I have a community and pray with them each Saturday. I added: "if you ever want to come let me know". She never said a word about it, and ended up "trying" a cell from one of the 32,000 evangelical churches. 

After that, I met a new friend. She is younger and shy. I noticed she has this Guadalupe medal around her neck, so one day I introduced to topic about Catholic faith. She tagged along and was eager to find out more. She told me that during her confirmation catechism, she learned almost nothing. When I mentioned that I have a community and pray with them on Saturdays, she asked when she could come. I introduced her first to the Rosary, which she wanted to learn after listening my experience with it. Not 2 weeks after that, one day she came decided and asked: Can I come this Saturday?.

So she came, and ever since she's been coming regularly. Some days she has to miss because her studies, but in general she is thirsty and wants to drink the water that only Jesus Christ can give you. Unlike my first friend, who seem to be waiting that I drag her to a Holy Hour, and who doesn't pray the Rosary, I find a welcoming field in Z (the second friend).

This has lead me to understand something. I too have remain Catholic despite it is not always all bliss and sweetness. Many times living outside my country I've tried to find a group to pray or a community, and I was not welcomed the way I would have liked. That never stopped my search for Truth. Not all the times it has been a sweet experience, not all the times I've found people that would cheer for me. Except for God. 

In His Church, I've found always a reason to remain, even after meeting other "churches". For years I had no clue it was the Eucharist. Later I found the Sacrament of Reconciliation and in some other prospections, I found Eucharistic Adoration and the powerful Rosary. No one has lead me here. True my mother has prayed many Rosaries for my true conversion, but I've discovered (in His Grace) all by myself and decided by myself to remain here. Where else could I drink from the Water of Life? Who else could Light my shadows? Where else could I find Peace and such wonderful and Merciful God?

So I will try again with friend 1, and suggest her to pray the Rosary; explain her how come I never insisted on taking her to the Holy Hour that I have with my community, because I wish that to be her desire, not mine. But as today, I'm convinced that the Rosary, Eucharist, Reconciliation and your own will are key to find the reasons to remain as part of this Catholic, Apostolic, Holy Church of Christ.

One year after…

By the end of this month (April) it will be a whole year ever since I started walking completely and fully the path of Chastity. The last trigger was my Theology Of the Body Speaker training workshop. After that my way back to Bolivia was appointed. I had little clue what was I going to do back in country, but I had full confidence in what God was doing. After all it took all my courage and all my pride to surrender to Him and accept His will. 

In TOB words: “Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.” (CC 2339)

Last Saturday (April 13), the path to become a consecrated Lay Missionary of Charity was open, and now I’m officially an aspirant to discover if this call is mine. Unlike other people, I’ve found a great delight and strength in weekly adoration and in trying to pray the Rosary daily. Prayer is such a wonderful dialogue you can have with God. The Rosary is such a wonderful weapon against wicked and evil.

Temptation is not absent. But I have the feeling that the moment I depart myself from a life of prayer, it won’t be so “easy” to avoid it. I often wonder if for many is easier to just give in and try to justify a sinful life than to hang on to Christ’s hand and fight next to Him. 

Eph 6:11 Be clothed in the armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the treachery of the devil.

Eph 6: 16-18 In all things, take up the shield of faith, with which you may be able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the most wicked one. And take up the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit (which is the Word of God).Through every kind of prayer and supplication, pray at all times in spirit, and so be vigilant with every kind of earnest supplication, for all the saints.