I need silence

What is real? how can I hear you?. I've let myself be dragged into a world of nonsense and noise the last couple of weeks.

I had too much going on around me and trying to catch all at once I lost balance and sense of reality. Lent is close to start, and I cannot think of a better way to re-connect to You other than shutting all that actually distracts me from You. I need a time to think, to listen, to heal. I need your mercy.

I was trying to cope with some last minute facts in my life the best that I could. The emptiness someone special left, the tedious work of my thesis, the overwhelming load of what will happen next. I failed. I can't deal with all at once alone.

Here I am now, surrendering myself to your feet, asking peace and patience. I can't fight this battle alone or distant from You. This is why I chose to silence some things that feed more my anguish and fears.

I offer you this silence, so that You can open my ears and eyes to your Light and Peace. Heal my heart and soul, be merciful and forgive me. Feed me with your Love so I can forgive myself first and then the others.

Some times I get so stubborn and wish everybody could react the way I act. I don't want to hurt those who care about me and those who I care most. Let them know in their hearts that I'm in Your hands, safe and healing.

Because if I want to love the others the way You want me to, first I need to go back to You, delight myself in Your love and learn to love myself the way I am, with my best and my worst, recognizing my weakness and my need of You. When I'm recovered from this fall, I will be able to go out again and enjoy the joy of giving my life for others and not keeping it to me.

With your Mercy and Peace, I will heal. Grant me this moment of peace so I can be closer to You. Asi sea dulce Padre.